hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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