Small penises have feelings too.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
