I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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