I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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