I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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