Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
