Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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