1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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