I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
