i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
