I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
