you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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