Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
