suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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