I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
