question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
