Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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