Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
pop tarts are not kleenex
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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