I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
