if i can run in heels then i can drive
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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