So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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