i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
