my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
