we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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