Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
