Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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