I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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