The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
