my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
