I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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