im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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