so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
