For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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