so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
