i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
