my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
