these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fuck appropriateness.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
