the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
