Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
