smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
