OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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