What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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