we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
