I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
