Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
