My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
