weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The air was thick with penises
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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