Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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