We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
