i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
