A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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