A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
