how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
